What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
