Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
