if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
there was a trapeze. enough said
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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