I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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