Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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