I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
