I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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