both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
