His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
