Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
