Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
