you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
