Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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