She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
