I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
