new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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