sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
