I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
