you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
