Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
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