Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
