thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
