Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
