the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
