I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
