Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
this is an emotional support booty call
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
