Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.