do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve