Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.