He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY