just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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