i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
