I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
