Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
