I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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