I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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