fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
