I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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