That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
