Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
