I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
