I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
