I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
