I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
