I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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