I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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