dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
