Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
