hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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