Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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