Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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