Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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