youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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