On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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