Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
