Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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