is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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