I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She needs sedatives and a leash
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
