Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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