No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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