it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
