just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
