I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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