I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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