its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
