he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
