he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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