everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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