yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
