A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
