What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
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Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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