he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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