I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
