I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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