dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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