I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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