Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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