god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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