Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
