Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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