I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
