Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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