Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
