Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
