You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
